Healing Chronic Pain, Chronic Illness + Trauma
Approximately 1.5 Billion people worldwide deal with Chronic Pain according to Boston University. Chronic Pain is defined as : pain that lasts for more than 3 months in one or more areas of the body. I have dealt with it, on and off, for most of my adult life. The bottom line is : PAIN SUCKS. And… I believe Pain is your body trying to notify you that something is out of balance and needs to change. I resonate with the acronym for Pain :
P.ay A.ttention I.nternally N.ow
Pain can take away the enjoyment from activities you used to love, and diminish your work life, social life, sex life, mental clarity and more. ( For this chapter, I am mostly going to focus on Chronic Pain, rather than Chronic Illness, but in many cases, the causes and solutions can be quite similar. And if you do have a Chronic Illness, it likely has some form of pain that comes along with it. )
So, if you’re in pain, what should you do next? Many people including myself can find ourselves going into any of these reactions when we are in pain for a long period of time : Sadness, Depression, Anger, Frustration, Cynicism, Feeling Jaded,
Demoralized, and possibly thinking that you are cursed, incurable or doomed to be in pain for the rest of your life. None of these are a fun place to be.
… As someone who has been working to heal Chronic Pain for the past 16 years, I’ve learned some very helpful strategies along the way. Chronic Pain has manifested in over 12 different areas of my body, and each round of pain has sucked, but also helped me to grow in self-awareness and address the factors that were making the pain worse.
The mainstream approach to addressing Chronic Pain is often through a Biomedical pathway, which usually entails medication, surgery, physical therapy or some combination of these. Chinese Medicine Practitioner Dr. Kevin Preston recommends : “Don’t get rid of the pain until you understand why it’s there.”
What if medication, surgery and physical therapy aren’t getting to the Root Cause of the pain? Asking this question many years ago led me on a quest to understand many different perspectives on healing. Over the past 16 years, I’ve spent thousands of hours and thousands of dollars studying the work of dozens of doctors, therapists, and practitioners who have collectively helped millions of people heal from many types of chronic conditions. A few of the key teachers I’ve learned from are : Dr. Howard Schubiner, Dr. John Sarno, Dr. Rachel Zoffness, Peter Levine, Irene Lyon, Pete Walker, Erick Godsey, Tim Fletcher, Stephanie Somatics, Gabor Maté, Dr. Joe Dispenza and Jonathan Tripodi.
There are various different Schools of Thought when it comes to healing Chronic Pain, and I will dive into some of them in this chapter, to hopefully convey some of the paths forward for people struggling with pain. There is usually a direct correlation between Chronic Pain or Illness and Unprocessed Trauma. I believe one big reason that so many people struggle with healing Chronic Pain or Illness, is because oftentimes they are only addressing it through a Biomedical lens, by getting medications, surgeries, or doing physical therapy. The elephant in the room represents the Psychological, Emotional, Social and Environmental factors which are likely contributing to the pain / illness.
Nervous System Expert, Irene Lyon compares learning about trauma and the ways our bodies deal with pain - to learning a foreign language. You can’t expect to learn Portuguese overnight. It takes continuous practice over time to become relatively fluent in this new language. The way that trauma and your body speaks to you also takes time to learn and understand on a deep level. Additionally, if you are currently going through or have had many painful experiences, sometimes learning about the in’s and out’s of trauma can be intense, triggering, or overwhelming. It is important to use Titration, which means progressing in smaller, manageable chunks. I encourage you to learn some new information, maybe try a new practice, then take a break for a few days to let the information integrate. Then return again to learn some more about the language of your body and what it is communicating to you.
It is beyond the scope of this book to cover all of the aspects of healing Pain and Trauma, but my goal is to :
Communicate some of the key insights which have been most helpful for me.
2. Catalyze a deeper desire in you - to learn, research and explore far beyond the info in this book. I believe unhealed trauma is one of the core root causes of so many problems in our society and I feel we need many more people worldwide getting more fluent in the language of trauma and healing. I list a bunch of additional recommendations later in this chapter.
>>> Here are some of the key steps I recommend exploring on the path of healing Chronic Pain and Trauma :
Educate Yourself on the latest theories of WHY Chronic Pain happens, and HOW to improve it.
Address the Physical / Biological level.
Address the Psychological / Emotional level.
Address the Social / Environmental level.
Develop Holistic Habits for managing and decreasing pain, and integrating past traumas.
—----
Educate Yourself
Doing an immense amount of research and educating myself into the Neuroscience of Chronic Pain, as well as the effects of Unprocessed Trauma has been a HUGE part of my healing journey.
I deeply resonate with the viewpoint that there is a Physical, Mental / Emotional, and Social component to Chronic Pain. This Holistic Perspective is called a Bio-Psycho-Social framework, which sounds complicated, but it actually makes a lot of sense. This model is articulated beautifully by Dr. Rachel Zoffness in her book “The Pain Management Workbook.” I give her credit for laying out this information so clearly. I’ve added a few extra elements as well, from my experience and extensive research. Let’s dive into each of the 3 parts of this framework :
BIO ( biological ) - Genetics, Tissue Damage, Mechanical or Anatomical Dysfunction, Inflammation, Hormones, Diet, Sleep, Exercise Routine
PSYCHO ( psychological / emotional ) - Thoughts, Beliefs, Meaning Assigned To Pain, Emotions, Coping Behavior
SOCIAL - Family, Friends, Socioeconomic Factors, Environmental Context, Culture, Society
>>> So, if the problem of Chronic Pain / Illness is Bio-Psycho-Social, then the solution must also address all 3 areas!
In my honest opinion, if you want to make positive progress on healing Chronic Pain, 2 key ingredients are DETERMINATION and PERSEVERANCE. I’m confident that you can at the very least DECREASE the intensity of the pain you experience, and at best, FEEL 10 times better and as though you have a whole new body… but it is going to take some serious effort, focus, and application of the techniques and principles.
I recommend taking a deep breath and acknowledge that as long as you are in this incarnation here on Earth, you will exist as an organism with a BodyMind System. So it is worth it to put in the time and effort to understand how to get that System running better and not experiencing as much pain!
You won’t be able to learn all the techniques and insights in a day, or even a week, but if you dedicate yourself to consistent learning, I believe you will become one of the crucially important PIONEERS to help get this vital information to more of those 1.5 Billion people struggling with Chronic Pain. I will continue with the Education element later in this chapter in the Healing Trauma section. The next step is…
2. Address the Physical / Biological Level :
These 8 different Action Steps are listed in no particular order, but they are each important factors for reducing pain, and they are essentially the “low hanging fruit” which I recommend addressing and some overlap with various emotional, psychological, and environmental factors.
A. Reduce Activities that Increase Inflammation - Inflammation is a normal part of the body's response to injury or infection. It occurs when the body releases chemicals that trigger an immune response to fight off infection or heal damaged tissue. 5 signs of inflammation are redness, swelling, pain, heat, + loss of function. There is a direct correlation between inflammation in the body and pain levels. I recommend assessing and exploring each of the areas listed below, which may assist you in decreasing inflammation in your body.
B. Hydration - Are you drinking an adequate amount of high-quality water? A good rule of thumb is to divide your body weight (in pounds) by 2 - and that is at LEAST how many ounces is good to drink in a day. For example a 200lb person would drink at least 100 ounces per day. Personally I drink more than that ratio, but I think it's a good starting point. I recommend drinking Reverse Osmosis water, re-mineralized with Concentrace Trace Mineral drops.
C. Air Quality + Toxic Chemicals - Air pollutants like mold and toxic chemicals can trigger an inflammatory response in the body. I recommend testing your home for mold if possible, and remediating or moving if necessary. I also recommend refraining from using most scented candles and artificial scents like Febreze, which can act as Endocrine Disruptors and dysregulate your BodyMind System. Unfortunately these toxic chemicals are not only found in airborne things like candles, but they are in many mainstream soaps + body products (dish soap, hand lotion and cleaning products). I recommend exploring brands like Seventh Generation as a less toxic alternative.
D. Acidic / Inflammatory Foods - Highly processed and/or fried foods, artificial flavors, sugar, and processed seed oils are just a few of the common culprits for increasing inflammation and therefore pain in the body. Eating a low-inflammatory diet will work wonders for reducing pain. There are many free guides and videos online to help you cultivate a low-inflammatory diet. A good place to start is to cut out Canola / Vegetable oil, which is one of the most highly refined and inflammation-inducing oils.
E. Too many EMFs - Electric and Magnetic Fields and the radiation they emit are more common today than ever before in human history. There are countless studies showing the detrimental effects of being in close contact with certain technologies for long periods of time. I recommend not keeping your phone within 2 feet of you, whenever possible. Also, turning off the Wi-Fi router at night decreases EMFs while you sleep. I highly recommend getting an external keyboard and mouse if you use a laptop. A great remedy for discharging EMFs from your body is walking barefoot in the grass. This will help you to get the static out of your body and energy field, and help you feel much more peaceful and balanced.
F. Stress and Anxiety - As I’ve expressed many times, the Body + Mind are completely intertwined. Stress and Anxiety have been shown to increase pain levels and cause muscle tightness. Finding healthy ways to reduce stress + anxiety can work wonders in reducing pain.
G. Over - exerting at work and/or outside of the workplace - Mainstream society often has a tendency to pressure or force people to push themselves beyond a state of homeostasis. Burn-out, adrenal fatigue, and chronic pain are common signals from your body telling you that you are over-exerting, and it would be a good idea to re-balance your life.
H. Rule out a Structural Disorder or Conditions by seeing a doctor - If you are having consistent pain in an area, it is worthwhile to see a doctor and get some tests done. Serious issues like tumors, cancer, or other structural issues may require medical intervention. With that said, and depending on the diagnosis, I encourage you to take their assessment with a grain of salt. This is nothing against Doctors, but according to Pain Expert Dr. Rachel Zoffness, most Doctors have NOT been educated on the Neuroscience of BioPsychoSocial pain.
Dr. Howard Schubiner, one of the world’s leading experts on healing Chronic Pain explains that you shouldn’t always trust what the doctor’s tell you. He makes many great points in his groundbreaking presentation at Google. On YouTube the video is called : “Breakthrough with Healing Chronic Pain, Howard Schubiner, Talks at Google”
I highly recommend watching the lecture and taking notes. One of the key insights is that when it comes to things like bulging discs in the spine, there are thousands of people who don’t experience chronic pain, whose test results look as bad or worse as the people experiencing chronic pain. This implies that there must be other factors at play causing the pain to persist, which takes us to the next area to explore…
3. Address the Psychological / Emotional Level :
Psychological - Many people including me, have initial resistance to considering that our intense PHYSICAL pain could somehow be caused by emotional or mental issues. For example, when I had chronic pain in my wrists, it was so bad that I couldn’t even write with a pencil. If I went to a doctor, and he told me “This may actually be a psychological issue,” I would have been tempted to slap him in the face! But, given that I was at my wit’s end with how much pain I was in, I was willing to eventually explore that there may be a mental / emotional component to my pain.
After 16 years of research, I am fully convinced that repressed emotions and psychological stress play a big role in many cases of Chronic Pain. And there is a ton of scientific studies and millions of testimonials from people worldwide to support this perspective. In the past 30 years there has been an immense amount of breakthrough findings when it comes to healing Chronic Pain. One of the first pioneers was Dr. John Sarno. He wrote a book called Healing Back Pain, and several others which have helped millions of people reduce their pain levels.
In Sarno's research, he discovered that when some of his patients addressed certain emotions or psychological issues which were consciously or unconsciously burdening them, their pain reduced or vanished completely! He coined a term called TMS - Tension Myositis Syndrome, which was his diagnosis for people who had unresolved emotions which initiated a process in the BodyMind System leading to Chronic Pain. There are certain signs that Dr. Sarno and more recently Dr. Howard Schubiner look for, to give a TMS Diagnosis (or some of the similar names listed below). 3 of the primary ones are :
The pain moves around in your body.
The pain seems to disappear during certain activities.
The pain arises with no obvious cause, and no structural damage can be found, or after the structural issue appears to have healed.
In most of my bouts with Chronic Pain, some or all of these signs were present. If the root cause of my pain was truly a structural issue like a broken bone or sprained ankle, then the pain likely would not move around to different parts of my leg, or even to the opposite leg. If the root was structural, the pain would likely not dissipate a lot during a vacation (which is commonly reported among Chronic Pain patients).
>>> It is important to understand that there are many different names to explain Chronic Pain. The evolution of TMS literature and research has led to many other names which explain essentially the same condition. I will list several of them here, so you can familiarize yourself with them :
> MindBody Syndrome
> Another name for TMS is Tension Myoneural Syndrome, and some people give it the apt name : Too Much Stress
> Neuroplastic or Neurocircuit Pain
> Psychosomatic Pain
I also believe that Fibromyalgia and RND (Reflex Neurovascular Dystrophy), both of which I was diagnosed with at age 17, are often very similar to TMS and all these other names. Lastly, Eckhart Tolle articulates a concept called the Pain Body in his amazing books The Power of Now and A New Earth. The Pain Body is : “an energy field of old but still very-much-alive emotion that lives in almost every human being.” I believe that an “activated Pain Body” is yet another similar lens to view TMS.
>>> Overall, I feel that Dr. Sarno’s teachings can be extremely helpful, BUT I do feel that there are some other important puzzle pieces to consider…
Dr. Sarno and similar-minded Practitioners seem to create a firm distinction between the Physical and the Psychological / Emotional realms ( whereas I think the overlap is often difficult to distinguish ). For example these are Dr. Sarno’s 12 Daily Reminders ( please take them with a grain of salt ) :
1. The pain is due to TMS, not to a structural abnormality
2. The direct reason for the pain is mild oxygen deprivation
3. TMS is a harmless condition caused by my repressed emotions
4. The principal emotion is my repressed ANGER
5. TMS exists only to distract my attentions from the emotions
6. Since my back ( replace with whatever pain you’ve got ) is basically normal there is nothing to fear
7. Therefore, physical activity is not dangerous
8. And I MUST resume all normal physical activity
9. I will not be concerned or intimidated by the pain
10. I will shift my attention from pain to the emotional issues
11. I intend to be in control - NOT my subconscious mind
12. I must think Psychologically at all times, NOT physical
I think that this framework can be helpful in certain situations and for certain people, but I don’t recommend strictly following these rules if you think you have TMS or MindBody Syndrome. I believe the holistic approach of the BioPsychoSocial model promoted by Dr. Rachel Zoffness and other Practitioners, is a more well-rounded solution.
Dr. Sarno’s work says that oftentimes, the manifestation of pain is your body attempting to DISTRACT your attention away from certain emotions - often anger or sadness. He asserts that this is because a part of you feels some emotions are unsafe. Why would you feel some emotions are unsafe?
Many Pain Psychologists believe that there is an Evolutionary reason why we would be afraid to express certain emotions. Our instincts are to fit in with our family and tribe, because we link that to survival. So, if at some point, we think that expressing a certain emotion ( like rage, sadness, joy, or sensuality ) might get us kicked out of the tribe and threaten our survival, then we will attempt to repress that emotion.
So, Sarno’s theory is that your body is attempting to distract you from emotions you perceive as unsafe - by giving you pain. I feel that may be true to some degree, but I also believe that pain is sometimes your body attempting to say “PAY ATTENTION!” to this emotion / psychological issue! Because deep down your body knows that if it feels, expresses, and releases that emotional energy and stress, it will feel much more peaceful and balanced. So, in some situations, your body may still be trying to DISTRACT you from feeling these repressed emotions, if it still subconsciously believes they are dangerous. But, if you do feel a level of safety and stability, I think that your body may manifest pain to get your attention, and say “Hey buddy, it’s time to express and let go of this old anger and sadness.”
>>> Another constructive critique of Dr. Sarno’s work is that he often advocates that there is nothing fundamentally wrong and that the brain is just stuck in “Danger Mode.” I think that this can sometimes be true, but there are a few other important perspectives to consider :
Sometimes a pain signal may appear to be an overreaction for a certain situation. For example, let’s say a woman is feeling a stomach ache 2 minutes after walking through a crowd of people. She believes this is because she is very empathic and sensitive to other people's energy and she absorbed their pain. Dr. Sarno would likely advise her to assure herself that she is safe and there is no need to feel pain.
The perspective that I’d like to add is : What if this pain is actually serving as a trigger, to point to a place in her stomach, which she had dissociated from as a child, because she didn’t feel safe to express anger? And if this is indeed the case, then the solution would be to do some Somatic Healing work in order to feel, process and reclaim sensation in that part of her stomach ( not just tell herself that the pain is her brain overreacting ).
Another possibility for experiencing “TMS pain” in the present moment might NOT be :
A. what Dr. Sarno explains about the body perceiving danger when there actually isn’t any (aka what Dr. Schubiner calls Neuroplastic pain).
Nor : B. what I mentioned in the last example - a current situation serving as a trigger to show you where in your body is still stuck in a trauma response.
But : C. The “TMS pain” you are experiencing is a genuine and accurate signal from your body that some part of your current experience is out of alignment with your optimal health. This could be any number of the BioPsychoSocial factors. Perhaps a toxic chemical in a house you are visiting, or you are over-exerting yourself and near burnout. Or you're activating a toxic thinking pattern that isn’t serving you. Or you’re hanging out with people who are lowering your standards of self-care.
So, to summarize I think that “TMS pain” often fits one or more of these 3 possibilities :
Your brain is overreacting to a situation and creating unnecessary pain.
A person, place or thing serving as a trigger to show you where in your BodyMind system is still stuck in trauma / repression.
A genuine and accurate signal from your body telling you that one or more BioPsychoSocial factors are out of alignment with your optimal health.
—--
As I mentioned earlier, the Psychological Factors are very intertwined with Emotional Factors. When it comes to facing difficult emotions, here are 2 key questions to explore.
A. Are there any feelings that you’ve been avoiding facing for some reason?
B. Or perhaps you’re not expressing certain feelings in a healthy way?
Sadness / Grief
Anger / Frustration / Rage
Dread - avoiding a conversation or situation
Guilt / Shame?
Burnt Out / Overworked
Loneliness / Neglect
Sexual Energy
I recommend a few options to explore those 2 questions listed above, in relation to that list of Feelings :
Journaling - through writing, typing, or even speaking on audio notes or video
Talking with a Therapist, Counselor, or trusted friend / family member
Finding a safe way to Physically express challenging feelings, either by yourself or with a trusted individual. ( I go deeper into this in the Anger and Sadness Release and Healing Trauma sections in a few pages ).
4. Address the Social / Environmental Level
What cultural factors in your upbringing may contribute to your level of pain / trauma? For example, for me it was a cultural norm amongst my friends that if a boy cries, it is a sign of weakness. For this reason, I made a strong effort to never cry as a teenager ( which undoubtedly caused my BodyMind System to numb and repress healthy emotions ).
What family dynamics may have contributed to your level of pain / trauma? For example, I often sensed that my dad was angry when I was a little kid. Although he was usually angry about his work situation, I sometimes interpreted his energy to mean that I did something bad, and so I carried a sense of guilt and also dread that he might yell at me at any moment.
How did your socioeconomic status / location throughout your life potentially contribute towards your level of pain / trauma? Were you able to access the Physical and Mental health resources necessary to thrive during your childhood and adulthood years?
What environmental toxins may be causing or exacerbating your pain? As I listed in the earlier section on the Physical factors to address, it is very important to spend time in environments that are not intensifying your pain levels. Mold and toxic chemicals found in many mainstream body care and cleaning products (dish soaps, candles, air fresheners etc. can actually be NEUROTOXINS and Endocrine Disruptors. Sadly, most mainstream products that you would find at a place like Target - are filled with tons of toxic ingredients. You’ll likely have to go somewhere like Whole Foods or do your own research to find products that are gentler on your BodyMind system.
5. Develop Holistic Habits for managing and decreasing pain, and integrating past traumas
As I have mentioned a few times in this book, the 6 areas for maintaining a healthy Holistic Lifestyle are :
Holistic Diet
Quality Rest
Movement + Exercise
Connection w/ Nature + Spirituality
Healthy Relationships
Career / Soul Mission
Each of those 6 areas are very important for living a balanced and fulfilling life. Also, each of them can play their role in managing and decreasing pain. I recommend going back to Chapter 14 if you want to level-up any of those 6 areas, as part of your pain-management journey. With that said, if you don’t also incorporate specific practices for Trauma Healing, it is likely that you won’t get to the root of Chronic Illness or Pain. In this next section I will share more of the subtleties, insights, practices and resources which will be helpful in Trauma Healing.
Healing Unprocessed Trauma
“Healing is a painful process…
and so is NOT healing.
So, pick your pain.”
- John Lewis
The word Trauma gets used a lot nowadays. But what does it really mean? In the ancient Greek language, Trauma translates to “wound.” Trauma is not what happened, it is the IMPACT that an incident or incidents leave in your BodyMind System. It can happen from a very intense incident, or it can happen from a mixture of many painful experiences over a longer period of time.
Note : The realm of Trauma Healing is very vast, and there are countless modalities that have provided relief for people from all walks of life. Taking a deep dive into many of the nuances of Trauma Healing is beyond the scope of this book. With that said, I hope to provide some helpful insights, practices for processing trauma, and general concepts which I think everyone should know. Then, I encourage you to pursue some of the other recommended resources at the end of this chapter and/or do your own research.
>>> In Pete Walker’s legendary book “Complex PTSD : From Surviving to Thriving,” he explores the concept of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which I believe all of us have to some degree. I believe this is because most of us grew up in a Toxic Culture, which is out of harmony with the principles of personal and collective equilibrium.
PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is usually caused by a few distinct and traumatic incidents like a car crash or an assault. Those struggling with PTSD usually have a number of symptoms like hypervigilance, and hypersensitivity to certain stimuli. On the other hand, CPTSD or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is usually caused by a variety of traumatic incidents over a long period of time (often in childhood). It is not only painful things that DID happen, but important things that DIDN’T happen, like receiving a healthy amount of touch or emotional validation from parents or caregivers. ( I highly recommend reading Pete Walker’s book “ Complex PTSD : From Surviving to Thriving,” listening to the audiobook ( which is currently free on Youtube ) or some of his interviews online. )
Intergenerational Trauma
My friend Anaia Sundara wrote this insightful post in regards to Ancient Trauma that many of us carry : “ When we begin to dive deeper into the realms of our wounds and trauma we begin to see the thread of patterns that have been passed on through each generation of our family lines, especially through the female lines of the family.When your grandmother was pregnant with your mother, the egg of you was inside of your mother for 5 months which means you were also inside of your grandmother! That means that your grandmother also formed within the womb of her grandmother…
And since the womb is an absorbent sponge… not only do we pick up our mother's emotions, pain, and wounds while we are gestating in her womb but we also pick up our grandmothers! It goes even further past the grandmother to our great grandmothers and beyond but the mother and grandmother are more prominent as they are the most recent through the line. We all hold different levels of intergenerational trauma.
How do you know if you are carrying it?…
Do you have trouble using your voice?
Do you attract unhealthy and toxic relationships?
Do you struggle with your self worth?
Do you experience shame around your sexuality?
Do you notice patterns of disease and illness in your family?
Do you have blockages around money?
Do your thoughts create self sabotage?
Do you continue to see the same unhealthy patterns over and over and over?
Do you emotionally eat? or eating disorders?
Do you experience anxiety and/or depression?
Does mental illness run in your family?
Do you feel confused often?
Are you a people pleaser and lack healthy boundaries?
Do you have any addictions? Food, stealing, drinking, drugs etc
+ so many more…
These imprints have been with us before our birth and until we take the time to truly look at them, they can sabotage & control our lives and create a lot of pain, suffering, anxiety, depression, numbness and illness. These contracts have been deeply embedded into the cells, tissues, blood and bones of our bodies. We must choose to create space to truly go into these places and allow the ancestral trauma to unravel so we can see our true selves once again & come back into our original innocence and wholeness within.
It is time to break these patterns and open to deeper love and freedom on all levels and not let these wounds continue to be passed down through our family lines. Our parents and ancestors were not allowed to process their trauma and did not have the incredible tools & resources that we do at this time. Womb Clearing is an incredible way to begin to see how to shift these patterns of energy. Not only are we clearing past lovers, partners, emotional and/or physical abuse, & psychic debris… we are clearing the ancestral hooks too!” - Anaia Sundara - on Instagram - @somatic.muse
Anaia does work with women on Womb Clearing, which is an extremely potent practice. For men, there are other types of Ancestral Healing practices that can be done. I recommend looking into Stomach Massage, which in Chinese Medicine is called Chi Nei Tsang. Personally I have unlocked and healed many traumas through receiving Chi Nei Tsang from a skilled practitioner. The stomach can be very sensitive so it is important to only go one layer at a time. I also have practiced hundreds upon hundreds of hours of my “Reclaiming Sensation” technique, which I explain in Chapter 21.
When a traumatic incident occurs, you generally experience more emotional energy than you can handle in the moment.
There are 4 common responses, known as the 4 F’s :
Fight - you channel the emotional energy to fight against whatever person or situation is threatening you.
Flight - you utilize the surge of emotion to flee the situation and try to find safety.
Freeze - you block the full flow of the emotional energy as a protection mechanism. This essentially quarantines and traps the energy within you, and leads to a blockage or shutdown in both your body and mind. This usually causes you to numb the physical and/or psychological pain of an incident.
Fawn / Fix - this is a mechanism where you attempt to appease whoever is causing you distress, and manipulate the situation as a protection mechanism. Chronic “people pleasing” is considered a Fawn / Fix response.
QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION :
Which of these 4-F responses to a Traumatic event do you feel were most common for you as a child ?
Do you notice which of these 4-F responses you see yourself leaning towards when challenging events arise in your adult life?
Personally, the Freeze response and also the Fawn / Fix response were the most common for me as a youngster. Doing the Freeze response caused a lot of emotional energy to be trapped within different parts of my body. The Freeze response also likely contributed to various parts of my body being stuck in a partially “shutdown” or numb state. Doing the Fawn / Fix response caused me to abandon my own needs and morals countless times, in an attempt to be a “people pleaser.” This was an unconscious attempt to get my needs met amongst my peers and family.
Next I will share some practices and philosophies which have been extremely helpful in both “un-numbing” myself and reclaiming my sovereignty and lessening my people-pleaser tendencies. The following 2 chapters also dive deeper into 2 systems which I have laid out to help with Healing Trauma, Reclaiming Sensation + Sovereignty, and experiencing more harmonious States of Being! I am truly excited to share these practices which have truly worked miracles in my BodyMind System.
Anger and Sadness Release
Up until about age 22, I had essentially no conscious connection to the emotion of Anger within myself. My parents rarely expressed it in front of me, and any time it wanted to surface within me I believe I found some way to distract myself or suppress it. Around 2013, as I progressed on my Life Path, the cracks in the dam began to get bigger and I realized, “Woah, I have a lot of anger inside me!” I began to pursue healthy ways to express everything from minor frustrations to primal rage.
Sadness often bubbles up to be released after I have moved through layers of stuck energy, and also purged some anger and frustration. The sadness sometimes mixes with deep gratitude for the beauty of life. Sometimes there are specific memories or feelings connected to another person. Sometimes I just feel sad for seemingly no reason. Anger, Sadness, and a variety of interrelated emotions are usually attached to the same root feelings about certain painful events or experiences. The process through which I release these various types of feelings is very similar and also directly linked to the “Cathartic Speaking Exercise” explained in the next section.
When I feel Anger coming up, I seek out a safe space to express it. Usually this is a private room in my home, in my car, or out in the woods. I will often open with a prayer like this: “Great Spirit (or insert your preferred word), thank you for this day. Thank you for this life. Please help me to release what no longer serves me with ease, grace, and fierce love.” ( I ask for ease and grace when it’s applicable, though I know that often times, catharsis is very uncomfortable and intense, which is why I pray for “fierce love,” which includes very intense sensations. )
I prefer to release anger by myself, though it may be helpful for you to have a trusted friend or therapist with you. If I’m in my car or home, I usually put on some music that helps with the process (listed at the end of this section). As the anger bubbles up, I tune into whether I want to yell, speak, move my body, or all of the above. I usually find wherever in my body has the most tension and push on that area, while imagining that I am releasing pressure from my body as I make sounds. If I’m out in the woods, I will often pick up a large branch and smash it against a rock or another branch. This helps me to tap into my primal animal self. I often yell at the top of my lungs and beat my chest like a gorilla. I’ve had some sessions where I literally yell for 45 minutes straight!
I have also had great success with the Affirmation Activations ( listed in Chap. 23 ) and declaring at full volume, “I claim my power to be strong and healthy!” “I claim my power to provide for myself!” If there is a specific person or thing I am mad about, I will utilize the Cathartic Speaking Exercise. After I feel that I’ve moved through a sufficient amount of anger, I will close my session by saying, “Thank you Great Spirit.” Then, I close my energy field by sweeping my arms around myself 3 times in a circle and then bring my palms together. Lastly, I like to ground my energy by putting my hands and feet on Pachamama for a few minutes. It’s important to let your energy settle after a big anger release session. Also, it unlocks so much energy you may feel like you can conquer the world and accomplish anything in that moment. To some degree you can, but I recommend being gentle with the integration process, and letting your system balance out for a few hours afterwards. I often find that my energy levels are lower than usual the following day, after moving so much intense emotion. I see this as simply part of the process and usually by 2 days after the session I am back to normal.
Releasing anger often flows into releasing sadness. When I need to cry, there are a few things I do. I find a space where I feel safe to let my emotions flow. It’s important to have an energetically clear space so that emotions can flow easily through you. I often burn some Sage or Palo Santo before and especially after the session. I usually prefer to be alone, or with one close friend who will hold a sacred space with me. I will set a yoga mat or blanket down, so that I can bow down on my knees. If I’m near an altar, I may choose to go in front of it. Or I sometimes place a candle or an object that is sacred to me as a point of focus.
I usually say a prayer something like this, “Great Spirit, please help me to release what no longer serves me. I pray for clarity, understanding, and greater wholeness.” Then, I will often put on one of the songs listed below. If there is a specific person or event I have feelings about, I will sometimes look at a few pictures of them online, or imagine them in my mind’s eye. I will often repeat the Ho’oponopono prayer in connection to this person or event. Also, practicing rapid deep belly breathing through the mouth is a good way to move emotions to the surface. I like to have tissues available, and a cup if I need to spit. ( I know I’m getting specific, but this is what I do, homie :) My favorite pose to cry in is where I bow down on my knees, put my forehead to the ground, and put my hands out in front of my head with my palms either cupped or touching each other. I can usually sense when I have cried enough for that session. I close it off by saying, “Thank you Great Spirit,” and I close my energy field by bringing my hands to prayer position and feeling a strong bubble of protection surrounding me. Here are 2 Artists whose music has greatly assisted me in releasing anger. Both Xavier and Trevor are very skilled on the Didgeridoo, which seems to be an excellent catalyst for releasing anger.
Xavier Rudd : Lioness Eye, Mana, Spirit Bird
Trevor Green : Essentially every song on the Album “Sacred Seed”
Listening to certain artists or songs is extremely helpful for me to let the tears flow. Here are a few of my favorite “Crying Songs” (most of which you can find on YouTube.)
Kevin Yazzie : Love, Hope, Good Relations, Charity
Peia : Machi, Blessed We Are, Vento
Ava Tara : Dear Me, Cosmos, Johnny Appleseed
Robbie Robertson : Peyote Healing Song
Shimshai : Agua de Estrellas, Cunaq, Roots, Sirenita Bobinsana
Cathartic Speaking Exercise
The Cathartic Speaking Exercise gives you total permission to say (or write) whatever words, thoughts, and feelings come to mind. To start off, I set the intention or prayer of a “Bubble of Total Acceptance and Forgiveness.” This way, nothing I say can harm myself or anyone that I speak about. You can also intend for the old energy you are releasing to be purified into the Violet Flame and / or give it back to Pachamama to be transmuted.
The goal is to tune into your deepest emotions, thoughts, and feelings that are often not expressed. This can include getting in touch with your Inner Child, and speaking the thoughts / feelings that you may have had as a child, but bottled inside. It feels extremely liberating to get these things off your chest and out of your system. Again, the key is to give yourself total permission to say anything and everything without holding back. I invite you to express your deep-seated fears, desires, and feelings. This means you can say violent things such as, “I hate you, I want to kill you.” You can also express sexual desires or fantasies. It’s key to remember that the things you say often are not your core truth, though by letting yourself say certain things it purges that energy out of your system and often leads to a more purified state of mind.
3 Questions to ask yourself for the Cathartic Speaking Exercise :
What sound am I most afraid / ashamed to make?
What would whatever I am feeling sound like if I was to explain it without words?
What sound / expression would I make if I were feeling this at 5 years old?
>>> Those are a few of the exercises and practices for processing and moving emotional energy which have been immensely helpful for me over the past 11 years. As I mentioned before, I dive deeper into the life-enhancing systems called “Reclaiming Sensation” and “The S Modality” in the following 2 chapters.
Chapter Recap
I know I just shared quite a lot of information. This is just the tip of the iceberg of what I have been learning, experimenting, and supporting others in for many years. To recap, here are some of the key steps I recommend exploring on the path of healing Chronic Pain, Illness and Trauma :
Educate Yourself on the latest theories of WHY Chronic Pain happens, and HOW to improve it.
Address the Physical / Biological level.
Address the Psychological / Emotional level.
Address the Social / Environmental level.
Develop Holistic Habits for managing and decreasing pain, and integrating past traumas.
And to wrap up this chapter, I’ll share…
Highly Recommend Related Resources :
YouTube Video titled : “The Truth About Managing Chronic Pain (w/ Dr. Rachel Zoffness) “ on the YouTube Channel ZDoggMD - I highly recommend taking notes on this one. Also, please disregard the first minute where the host is jokingly singing in a high-pitched voice. The rest of the interview is phenomenal!
If you resonate with Dr. Rachel Zoffness in that interview, or even if you don’t, I still highly recommend buying and reading at least the first 30 pages of her book : The Pain Management Workbook. In all my years of actively managing Chronic Pain, this is the most holistic and well-rounded approach that I have found.
YouTube Video titled : “The Emotional Source to Chronic Pain” on the YouTube Channel called Freedom From Body Memory.
If you resonate with Jonathan Tripodi from the video I just mentioned, then I also highly recommend his book called “Freedom From Body Memory : Awaken the Courage to Let Go of the Past.”
Irene Lyon is a specialist in Healing Trauma and Nervous System Regulation. She has a wonderful free 3-part Video Training on her website : https://irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
Dani Fagan’s website : https://mytmsjourney.com has many great resources including yoga videos, and meditations that help to heal Chronic Pain.
Tim Fletcher has a PHENOMENAL and free 8 part video series on YouTube called “The Basics of Complex Trauma.”
Dr. Jerry Tennant has countless breakthroughs in his book called “Healing is Voltage.” He explains the key concepts with amazing visuals in a video on YouTube called “Healing is Voltage | Jerry Tennant, MD” on the channel called IAOMT
If you get through all of these, and still are eager to learn more, or have any questions related to info I shared in this chapter, please email me : KevinMayCoaching@gmail.com and I’ll send many more resources.
